i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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