can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize