I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
