Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
