i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
