We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Drunk is not a location!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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