Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
