OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
