Can i not drive my cunt home
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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