I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
