she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
