Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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