bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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