i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
