small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
