I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
