Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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