how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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