I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
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she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
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Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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