there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
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I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
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Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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