He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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