Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I've blown a few things in my day
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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