Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
