Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
