Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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