Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
