i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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