My hand turned me down
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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