so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
