Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
