my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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