Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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