You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
