someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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