so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
