I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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