I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
