I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today