Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's never too late to be topless.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies