I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
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I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
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You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.