i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow