The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.