His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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