I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house