More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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