omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
