You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
