omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
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I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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