Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
