I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
