I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
