I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
