Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
