I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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