You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize