fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
