I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I came so hard my ears popped.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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