There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
