I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
