Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
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we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
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What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
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