I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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