i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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