at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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