Who wears a wallet chain?!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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