I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I touched a dick in church today
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
