As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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