she was so not down for the gang bang
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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