im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Your cock deserves a montage
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
