It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
