hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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