Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just want nice things and good sex
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
