Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You can't special order awesome
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
