Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
