Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
