Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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