I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
