We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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