I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
