Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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