I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
the gays at disneyland are vicious
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
