I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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