her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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