it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
