thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
