Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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