it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
