you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
