is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
