Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
my liver is dry heaving
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
