I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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