ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
